Buy a Daewoo

Meet Kim. During the day, Kim works as a secretary at a law firm and is saving money for a trip to Cancun during Spring break. To pay for college, Kim works as eye candy for Daewoo. She enjoys long walks on the beach, mai tais, and large groups of old men with DSLRs taking very, very close-up pictures of her exposed midriff.



Meet Jennifer. Jennifer is a retired CEO who has taken up spokesmodeling as a form of recreation. It's another way to boost her already giant ego. For fun, Jennifer plays polo, races exotic cars, and volunteers as a dominatrix at the under-privileged submissives' shelter.



Observe the group of men with cameras on the right in this picture. Perverts. Only perverts would take pictures of a spokesmodel (Kim) from two feet away. Only perverts. Did I mention that this entire event is in the middle of a huge train station? Perverts.

Dongdemun

There is a giant market in the center of Seoul where they sell bootleg soccer jerseys, among other things, and it is called Dongdemun (Dong-day-moon). I have a strong affection for bootleg soccer jerseys, so off we went. Pictures of the market will come after another trip, but there are some pictures of the area around Dongdemun, which is at Seoul Station.


In Seoul, there is quite a variety of architectural styles, from Oriental to European to Revival to Contemporary. I think that this picture gives a good taste of the randomness.

Summer and I pose for a picture in front of a convenience store.

This is the fountain at Seoul Station. It wasn't running (because it had been raining), but it still has some very nice adornments in the "Heroes of our Country" style that I saw so much in Russia.

This is a nice photo of the cleavage building, which is also at Seoul Station.
(Update: Thanks to Jon Allen for pointing out that this is the new post office building. Jon has a great blog which you can check out here. Lift and seperate Jon, lift and seperate.)

The next three photos are of a fountain outside of Dongdemun, which is the building on the left in the picture. It is a very, very large building and stretches for several city blocks, which you can kind of see. The fountain is actually in a stream, and it changes colors as it shoots up in the air. There are walkways all the way down the stream and there are seats along these walkways where people can sit and watch the fountain. Of course, there is a man with a baton to keep people from going in and enjoying themselves.


To get home from Dongdemun, we took the last subway trip of the night. There was a young man resting his eyes on the subway and he kept dropping things, including his phone and wallet, which I and others would just stick back into his pockets or hands. The man to his left just kept reading the paper and pretending that he wasn't there. A good end to a good night.

Goddamn it!

This will be twice, TWICE, in a row that I have lost my job to some reflexive-consonant-using Indian sitting in a cubicle in the outskirts of Delhi.

According to the Korea times, a company will be offering English instruction via the Internet for much less money than what is currently charged by English academies such as the one at which I work. I haven't checked out pricing yet, but if they can deliver half the product for one-quarter of the price, we're all screwed.

Mom, clear out my bedroom; I'm coming home.

Indians to Teach English via Internet By Cho Jin-seo
Staff Reporter (Korea Times)

An Indian company is tapping the lucrative English education market in South Korea with a person-to-person online tutoring service at an Indian price, known as e-tutoring, or "education outsourcing.''

Krishnan Ganesh, the founder and the CEO of TutorVista, said the Bangalore-based firm is preparing to open a Korean-language site this month to launch full e-tutoring programs for individual students and for companies.

He also said that some 50 Korean students are already enrolled at general English programs which offer unlimited, 24-hour-open tutoring at only $100 per month, and about 200 more are in more expensive SAT, TOEFL, GMAT and GRE examination preparation courses taught by Indian teachers in real time.

"We spent six months of research in the Korean and Chinese markets,'' he said in a telephone interview with The Korea Times this week. "There is a small market on the top of the pyramid for native English-speaking teachers. That comes at $30 or $40 per hour and that is affordable only by the rich.

Hat Day!

This past week we celebrated Hat Day. After walking around complimenting random passers-by on their fine choice of head-wear in honor of this holiday, we drank in our hats. Simple. Fun. Ridiculous. The problem, unfortunately, is that I don't have a single picture from hat day. I hope that this picture will be a consolation prize for those who were not lucky enough to see me wearing my hat.

This is a hat of the Korean people who lived on Russian lands for so long. I think it is quite stylish, though not as functional as I like my hats to be.

Hat via English Russia

The Crane Game

They're everywhere. Really, they're on almost every street corner, usually outside of convenient stores, which really are on every street corner. Koreans love them. Why do they love them? Because the prizes are great, it's cheap to play, and it's easy to win. You get six tries for the equivalent of $1, and if you're not entirely blind, you get something almost every time.

So what can you get, you might ask? Everything from butane lighters to radio-controlled cars, video games, and mp3 players. What did I win tonight in front of my local Family Mart? I'm glad you asked. Something useful, something wonderful, something absolutely charming. Below you can view the box it came in. Or maybe I should say "they".


Inside the box of SexyLine "for glamorous girl" was my prize: a pair of pretty gray and pink panties. HOT! If only I had a girlfriend to give them too. Check 'em out in greater detail below.

"Supergirls" indeed. Only a super girl would wear these. I guess I'll just have to go find one. Time to find some coins so I can go play again. I'll try to post some pics of the machines and more prizes soon.

Seoul Arts Center

So sue me, I've been lazy about posting. Here's a gratuitous number of photos to make up for it. About a week ago, a friend and I went to the Seoul Arts Center, conveniently located on the orange line at Nambu Bus Terminal Station.

The Seoul Arts Center is an imposing complex of arts-related buildings. It includes a design museum, a calligraphy museum, an opera house, and I don't know what else. We originally went to see a free exhibit of Eames furniture, but it was disappointing. So, after seeing one room of furniture that I've seen before, off we went to look around the complex.

This is the first building as viewed from the very busy street. There are posters for upcoming exhibits and other events taking place somewhere in the complex. Notice the mountains in the background; the complex is basically built into the side of a mountain.

This is the main museum building. I don't know what the chimney thing is, but if my TV watching hasn't lead me astray (which it never has before), the design is based on a traditional Korean hat. See below:

Is that uncanny or what?



I really enjoy this sculpture of people impaled on pointy sticks. I would guess it's about war or suffering, but the title was in Korean so I'm not entirely sure.

Before I conclude this post, here is a picture (a very, very bad picture) of me with Captain Snake Neck Facet Face. Notice my excellent posture and wearing of jeans with complete disregard for the fact that it was about 90 degrees and 100% humidity (not an exaggeration; I was completely soaked). I'll work on posting more often.

"Hello, Cleveland!"

Original, American Style Taste!

Happy American Independence Day! In honor of telling those Brits to bugger off, I did American things today. And yes, that does mean I ate at McDonalds. I had the Big Mac set, pictured below. In Korea, McDonalds does lunch specials! A Big Mac meal is only $2.95. Getting fat is cheap! Notice the Shrek the Third advertising on the cup. The people behind the counter were wearing Shrek ears, but unfortunately, would not let me take a picture.


All this being American was making me very tired, so I decided to do something else American: I went to Starbucks. For only $3.55, I got a grande coffee in this charming cup. The Hangul on the cup informs those using the cup that it is for store use only. I have one in my cupboard, so apparently they were wrong.


The worst thing about the 4th was that I had to go to work. I was very tired and so needed one more treat and, since I was going with the American theme, decided that I needed something with original, American style taste. And I got it, and you can see it below. Check out that marketing slogan on the top! Genius!

I finished off my day with a few too many Budweisers and some tequila. We had our own little fireworks show in the park and nobody lost any critical body parts. No BBQ, but close enough. Now I don't have to be American again for several months.

Phallic Symbols for the 21st Century

The 63 Building in Seoul is a monstrosity. A gold monstrosity. Fortunately, though, you can't see that it's gold after the sun goes down. There's are two elevators that run on the outside of the building from the first to the 6oth floor, though unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of those. However, here are some pictures of the building itself and from the Skydeck at the top.


In this one, you can see another well-known phallic symbol, Namsan Tower. Very much like a Korean Space Needle, I plan to mount it in a week or two and take some pictures from its probably-overpriced observation platform. Hopefully I'll have better weather.




The residents of Seoul have a very large, very pretty river. It's a good thing they decided to put a highway on either side.

When the Boat's a Rockin...

On Saturday evening, we went to Yeoido and went on a leisure cruise. What, you don't cruise for business? Anyway, despite the unpleasantness that is the monsoon season and the less than perfect weather that comes with it, the cruise was a great time. Ideally, as we took the 7:30 ride, we would have seen the sun setting over the metropolitan skyline and the Han River, but it was was overcast at first and dark toward the end, so we'll have to take it again in better conditions.

After making our way to the financial district (name?) which is on an island in the Han, we found the docks and bought our tickets. Looming behind us was the 63 Building, which is the tallest building in Seoul with, you guessed it, 63 floors, 3 of which are underground, which also means that the elevator only goes to 60. What a ripoff.


The water was calm, but the light was not right for taking pictures with a little point-and-shoot camera, so the pictures are few. Before you leave the dock, you have to write your name and phone number on your ticket stub. You then give the ticket stub to the cruise attendant. You must do this in case the boat sinks and they have to call your relatives to come identify your putrid corpse.

"Hello mistal. Corey is palent. You son on Han boat sinked. Come see Korea: Spaakling. You like kimchi?"



The following is a picture of the boat I plan to ride next time, I don't care how much it costs. I'm going to get drunk like a pirate and pillage until the Koreans run in fear, but that shouldn't take much. (Click on it for more detail)


Koreans are suckers for photo ops and backgrounds. Everywhere you go, even if you go to see a beautiful sight, there are pictures of that sight for you to pose in front of. Apparently, the cruise we went on was a couples cruise (or just a cruise that couples enjoy), and of course there was something to pose in front of. It was a giant heart made from rope lights. We took the obligatory pictures.


So, after volunteering to take pictures of a bunch of drunk Korean couples, a man approached us and gave us a brief history lesson of the bridge we were traveling under at that moment. It was dark, so I don't have a picture of it, but during the Korean war, the Americans bombed the hell out of the bridge so that people couldn't cross from southern Seoul into northern Seoul. By the way, the city is divided right through the middle, so this could be a problem. The bombing also killed a bunch of people. Way to make me feel bad about being American AGAIN. Thanks Korea.

After the boat ride, we went to the 63 Building, and paid $7.00 each to take the elevator to the Skydeck (floor 60). There's a cute little bar and lots of funny Korea-couples sitting in front of the windows with their arms around each other. Pictures and video (!) to come in the next post.

I Live Here!

As I told my last girlfriend: It's bigger than it looks. Honestly, it's not a bad apartment and it's way better than some of the others I've seen here. There's a fantastic view in all directions and I'm very luck to have gotten a queen-size bed, which, for your information, is where the magic happens.

I seem to have lost the picture of my itty bitty kitchen, but I'll post it when I find it. Needless to say, I have a two-burner stove, a slightly smaller than full size refrigerator, and about one cubic foot of counter space, which is usually filled with a toaster and an empty soju bottle or two. When I'm done with the toaster, I tend to put it back in the cupboard, but I've been lazy. So don't pick on me, or I'll stab you with my one very dull kitchen knife.

One of these days, I'll try to take some pictures of my friends' apartments for comparison purposes, but I'm not sure they'll let me out of jealousy and pure rage. Also, life will get better here once I get my hands on some curtains so that the lights from below cease to enter my dwelling space once and for all. Also, I will post some pictures of the roof garden, perhaps with pictures of me relaxing therein. That is, if the fates conspire in your favor. Also, peep the mountains in the background. Jealous much?




I know, I live in a cubicle, but the pictures really don't do it justice. I think it's about 12' by 25'.

Partners in Crime

Friday night was a proper night out. A trip to Dublin, a westerner bar in Seoyeon, was drama-free and hopefully indicative of what is to come.

Welcome to My Neighborhood!

Here are some pictures of my neighborhood: Sunae, in Bundang.


This one is looking to the right from my apartment window.


This one is looking to the left from my apartment window. The large beige building is Lotte Department Store.

Even though I live in a suburb of Seoul, you can see how highly developed the area is. Everyone here lives in apartments, so most of the tall buildings in the background of the pictures are apartment buildings and in this area, most are very posh and insanely expensive. I will post some more pictures of my neighborhood shortly.

Working Again

For all of those who picked on me for not working for the past few months, blow me. I started teaching on Monday afternoon. I got thrown straight into class (though with some help), and taught six classes in a row. I have some cool kids who are energetic and smart, and I have some lousy kids who don't talk, don't answer (even when I call on them), and just sit there and stare at me for 45 minutes until the bell rings and it's time to go.

Even though I don't get off of work until 9:00 pm, it doesn't seem to matter in this city because nothing in Pundang ever closes and people here seem to stay up very, very late.

Also, today is Memorial Day so I didn't have to go to work. Some people from school went out last night and got nice and sloshed sitting in front of the Family Mart. They sell bacon flavored chips that look like bacon, and these chips go very, very well with Super Forties (1.8 litres). Oh! the things that 2 of those will do to a man.

Pics to be posted soon!

Welcome to Seoul!

After 20 miserable hours on a plane, countless bad meals, and rude flight attendents, I have arrived in Seoul! I got picked up at the airport by my recruiter and driven to my hotel. I will not have my apartment until tonight, so until then, I'm walking around in Korea like a bag lady, but a bag lady with 125lbs of bags.

As I do, I walked out of the hotel this morning and immediately found an ATM, a PC bang, and most importantly, a Starbucks. And you know what? I am jetlagged to high hell so I pad $3.56 for a grande coffee and thought nothing of it.

I'll have some pictures for y'all very soon.

PSA: On My Merry Way!

Alrighty! My car is sold, my bags are packed, my visa is in the mail from the consulate in Chicago, IL, and my ticket is purchased! I depart from Cleveland, OH, on Wednesday, 30 May 2007, and arrive in Seoul, ROK, on Friday, 1 June 2007. I'm seriously looking forward to 19 hours (layovers not included) in a big metal tube coursing through the heavens, but anything to leave Cleveland.


Look for regular updates to this blog as hopefully I will actually have some information to share and some wisdom to impart. I plan to post a lot of pictures of the city, the people, and the food. (Aside: Why is it that all Korea bloggers are obsessed with food?)

Again, to those interested, you've got a place to crash on the other side of the planet.

Preventing Buyers' Remorse

I find this hard to believe: Apparently, the government of ROK wants to check the validity of all keyword ads to be placed on the Korean side of the tubenet. Specific search engines are not mentioned in the article by the Korea Times, but surely Goooooogle must be one. I'm all for checking the pr0n-free-ness and violence-free-ness of publicly placed advertisements, but I somehow doubt that anyone wants to do this, especially a for-profit company.

The government says that it wants to make the portals themselves responsible for checking the 18,500 ads per month that would be covered by the regulation. The Korea Internet Safety Commission would take part in the process, though their function is not specified and no methods for the process have yet been revealed.

Personally, I enjoy trying to shoot ducks at the top of my screen to get that free iPod.

From the Korea Times

'Nuf Said

Via Gizmodo

Does it do Korean?

Check out this awesome, expensive translatin' device. Looking very much like a Palm Pilot on the juice, the VoxTech Phraselator V2 can translate what you say into almost any widely spoken language and translate the reply back for you!

Developed for the military, it's freakin' awesome! "Excuse me, driver, please make haste to the liquor store!"

Via Gizmodo.

On Obsolete Languages

Michael Erard, a designer not a linguist, commented on When Languages Die, a book by well-known linguistic anthropologist K. David Harrison. Harrison laments the death of languages due to the specific knowledge lost in the process, from specifics about dates, agriculture, and familial relationships, to the grammatical features of these languages, which are often unique.

Back when I took sociolinguistics in college, we discussed the extinction of languages, and supposedly within the next century, half of the languages now spoken will be forgotten if undocumented. Now, I'm all for the recording of these languages, but languages are constantly evolving, and, much like the evolution of humans caused the extinction of other related bipedal species (neanderthals), a "stronger" language is going to overtake weaker languages, eventually rendering it obsolete.

Strong languages such as English, Mandarin, Spanish, etc., are always going to overtake the hundreds of weaker languages. Economics play a factor, as do subjects of cultural relevance in areas like religion and politics, but so do the abilities of a language to evolve to keep pace with the objects encountered in contemporary developed society. Borrowing dilutes a language's purest form (e.g., Russian), but language maintenance is important to relevance. As an example, French has a group of scholars that are responsible for updating the language to keep pace with technology and other developments, rather than just borrowing a word from another language such as English. This group of scholars is ineffective, but their efforts are often overlooked. It is because of them that the French language, despite the dwindling number of native speakers in comparison with several other languages, has maintained its place as one of the most spoken languages in the world.

In conclusion, maintain languages or record them and let them go. We don't use DOS anymore, but we still use information we gathered from it.

From Design Observer, via Wired.

You Can't Make Me Do It!

While reading some older posts over at the Lost Nomad, I came across this post via the JoongAng Daily. It turns out that if your boss forces you to go out after work, a very common occurrence in many Asian cultures (specifically Japan and the ROK), you can sue him/her/it and make approximately $32,342.

Also, not mentioned by the Nomad, the young lady also filed suit against her boss for sexual harassment for touching her and making inappropriate remarks. She won this suit as well.

Douchebag got fired and fined two g's. Makes working for me sound like an appealing proposition. Send your resumes, favorite cocktails, and bust sizes to ROK & Hard Place.

Books via Mobile Phone!

We all know that Corey loves him some books. Good news for Corey! SK Telecom, the largest provider of mobile communication services in South Korea, has expanded its TouchBook service, which previously only allowed users to look up information such as authors, publishing dates, and other information. But wait! Now, SKT customers will be able to scan the bar codes on books at physical bookstores and purchase them online for less through SKT's mobile Web browser.

Easy books delivered to your doorstep for less. What's not to like?

Via the Korea Herald.

Drinking on the Job

Koesan County, in a misguided attempt to increase its communication with its citizenry, ended up awarding three alcoholics on an all-expenses-paid vacation to Cheju Island.

Somehow, I don't think that canceling the reward program will keep the county's employees from engaging in a little public relations after work.



Link (Yahoo!): South Korea County Cans Award for Drinking Workers

Avoiding Prison in Korea

Poor Cullen Thomas, he could have used this page from the Oxford Picture Dictionary when he was going to court. Click on the image to enlarge it and learn the Hangul for getting yourself an attorney, understanding your rights, pleading guilty, being found guilty, going to jail, eating crappy prison kimchi, and finally being released seven years later (which is, coincidentally, the amount of time that Cullen Thomas was supposed to get). And remember, it doesn't matter how you plead in Korea, the conviction rate is close to 100%. Good luck, suckers.

We Came, We Drank, We Drank Some More!

Dear Friends, Readers, and Enigmatic Strangers,

A sincere thanks to all of you who came out and helped me celebrate my impending departure. I admit, I was most thoroughly sauced (lesson learned: Don't buy Corey tequila), but for those whose presence I realized, I appreciate your willing attendance and lack of dramatic interaction. I had a wonderful time and appreciate the joyous off-sending. I will post some pictures in the next couple of days and I look forward to sharing my journeys with you.

Again, don't hesitate to keep in touch or to impose yourself on me should you find yourself in my soon-to-be-new neck of the proverbial woods. The majority of you are possibly always maybe welcome.

Cheers,

Corey