Dear Micro$oft,

Please go fuck yourself. I've put up with your shit long enough. The fact that you created new file extensions for Word 2007 that are incompatible with any other iteration of your buggy software are irritating; but the fact that you expect me to download another piece of software, the no-doubt worthless Document Viewer, is beyond even your most asinine tricks to date. Every time I manage to get rid of some vulnerable and predictably unstable program of yours, you force me to download another one just to COPY AND FUCKING PASTE some text into a compatible format for Word 2003.

How 'bout this? Just make it work. Deploy a patch for Word 2003. I don't need the hassle of more shitty software to read a file I already have in a program I already have. Again, fuck you, 개새기!

Love,

Corey

Mmm... Brunch

Positive News from the International Herald Tribune:

SEOUL: When she returned to Seoul in 2000 after 10 years in New York City, Park Su Ji introduced her fellow Koreans to an exotic way to socialize over food: "brunch."

"I really missed brunch but didn't find any brunch restaurants," Park said. So in the spring of 2005, she opened Suji's, a restaurant that serves toasted bagels and blueberry pancakes, among other brunch staples, in a setting that features black-and-white photographs of the Chrysler Building and Union Square in New York...

This is old news, but click here to read the rest of the story.

Via: Gridskipper

PSA: I moved!

Dear Friends,

Thanks to those who have been keeping up with my status abroad and I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time. There are a lot of posts on their way as soon as I get my fiber-optic lifeline hooked up, so keep checking back!

Anyway, for those who didn't know, I got a new job and I moved. I am now an editor at the Korea Institute for International Economic Policy, the leading government-funded think tank on such pressing issues as Korean reunification, Chinese FTAs and economic development, and financial education. This means no more working until 10:00pm, no more screaming children, no more bitchy mothers, no more attempted suicide, and the enjoyment of commuting in the most densely populated city in the word. Oh the wonders that comprise my life!

In keeping with my tradition of massive, life-altering change, I also moved further into the city. For Seoul people, I now live just a short jump from Samseong Station on the ever-busy green line, which is the same station as COEX mall and the Korea World Trade Center, where you can find the Kimchi Field Museum, aquarium, and not one but THREE Starbucks, two Cafe Pascuccis, and two Coffee Beans in the same building. I'm twitching just thinking about it. Hit me up if you're in the neighborhood.

My phone number is the same as it was, though I no longer have a land line, and of course I'm always checking my e-mail. You can also, *shudder*, reach me on Facebook, MySpace, or LinkedIn because I'm social-networked up to my loins. Again, check back soon for some more fascinating information about being a minority in Seoul, and an unhealthy dose of my rapier wit.

I wanna' give a shout-out to Tex, Big Dave, and my homie Slick Willy!

How To Write an E-Mail

I live overseas and I use e-mail for the majority of my communication needs. I also receive some really, really poorly written e-mails from people I hold in high esteem. STOP IT! The Wired How-To Wiki provides the following guidelines for writing e-mail, as does the blog of Guy Kawasaki (VC, evangelist, etc.). Though I agree with most of what is written in both of these articles, I'm not sure I agree with all of it. Feel free to comment with your preferred e-mail style tips.

Click here to read the Wired article.

Guy Kawasaki has what I view to be more complete, more useful tips for e-mailing, which you can find here and should read immediately if you ever plan to send another e-mail. I especially like "add a good signature," which a lot of people don't. I want to know who you are instead of having to try to find your organization's Website, find the contacts page, and hope and pray to Jesus that you're on there. COME ON!

I Love Weekends

Every Sunday is a day of regret: regret for time wasted in front of the TV and for parties missed. Not to worry, though, because another weekend is only five days away.

Doorways

I do so like little doorways. The make me see so HUGE! RAH! I'm like a little Western Godzilla. Enjoy my visage from abroad and dwell upon my great accomplishments.

Fortress near Insadong, Continued

Here are some pictures of the performance taking place in the fortress in the previous post. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on for most of it, and one of these creatures that appears to be a woman is most certainly not. For another cultural reference regarding cross-dressing and gender-bending, watch the movie "The King and Clown" (translation is not exact). Also, you can see more pictures of the fortress in the background behind and next to the stage.

Fortress near Insadong

A couple of weeks ago, on a trip to Insadong, we hear musing. We walked around the corner to find a big stone wall and a large gate house (below). Through the gate house we found a large open courtyard filled with Korea's finest senior citizens. They were there to see a free performance, but the performance was over or hadn't started yet (we found out later which). Here are some pictures from the fortress we had entered. I will put the pictures of the performance in the next post to keep this a little shorter.






One of the things I think is the most interesting is the juxtaposition of old and new that is so common in Asia. I find the picture above to be a great example with three very clear styles visible. The modern city of Seoul is just built up around these things as if they, too, were just office buildings and apartment complexes. There are certain considerations made for their antiquity, but they are still very close to the newer structures. In other places in the city, you can see the effects of pollution and acid rain on the structures, and some have even been cleaned and encased in glass to keep them safe.

Buy a Daewoo

Meet Kim. During the day, Kim works as a secretary at a law firm and is saving money for a trip to Cancun during Spring break. To pay for college, Kim works as eye candy for Daewoo. She enjoys long walks on the beach, mai tais, and large groups of old men with DSLRs taking very, very close-up pictures of her exposed midriff.



Meet Jennifer. Jennifer is a retired CEO who has taken up spokesmodeling as a form of recreation. It's another way to boost her already giant ego. For fun, Jennifer plays polo, races exotic cars, and volunteers as a dominatrix at the under-privileged submissives' shelter.



Observe the group of men with cameras on the right in this picture. Perverts. Only perverts would take pictures of a spokesmodel (Kim) from two feet away. Only perverts. Did I mention that this entire event is in the middle of a huge train station? Perverts.

Dongdemun

There is a giant market in the center of Seoul where they sell bootleg soccer jerseys, among other things, and it is called Dongdemun (Dong-day-moon). I have a strong affection for bootleg soccer jerseys, so off we went. Pictures of the market will come after another trip, but there are some pictures of the area around Dongdemun, which is at Seoul Station.


In Seoul, there is quite a variety of architectural styles, from Oriental to European to Revival to Contemporary. I think that this picture gives a good taste of the randomness.

Summer and I pose for a picture in front of a convenience store.

This is the fountain at Seoul Station. It wasn't running (because it had been raining), but it still has some very nice adornments in the "Heroes of our Country" style that I saw so much in Russia.

This is a nice photo of the cleavage building, which is also at Seoul Station.
(Update: Thanks to Jon Allen for pointing out that this is the new post office building. Jon has a great blog which you can check out here. Lift and seperate Jon, lift and seperate.)

The next three photos are of a fountain outside of Dongdemun, which is the building on the left in the picture. It is a very, very large building and stretches for several city blocks, which you can kind of see. The fountain is actually in a stream, and it changes colors as it shoots up in the air. There are walkways all the way down the stream and there are seats along these walkways where people can sit and watch the fountain. Of course, there is a man with a baton to keep people from going in and enjoying themselves.


To get home from Dongdemun, we took the last subway trip of the night. There was a young man resting his eyes on the subway and he kept dropping things, including his phone and wallet, which I and others would just stick back into his pockets or hands. The man to his left just kept reading the paper and pretending that he wasn't there. A good end to a good night.

Goddamn it!

This will be twice, TWICE, in a row that I have lost my job to some reflexive-consonant-using Indian sitting in a cubicle in the outskirts of Delhi.

According to the Korea times, a company will be offering English instruction via the Internet for much less money than what is currently charged by English academies such as the one at which I work. I haven't checked out pricing yet, but if they can deliver half the product for one-quarter of the price, we're all screwed.

Mom, clear out my bedroom; I'm coming home.

Indians to Teach English via Internet By Cho Jin-seo
Staff Reporter (Korea Times)

An Indian company is tapping the lucrative English education market in South Korea with a person-to-person online tutoring service at an Indian price, known as e-tutoring, or "education outsourcing.''

Krishnan Ganesh, the founder and the CEO of TutorVista, said the Bangalore-based firm is preparing to open a Korean-language site this month to launch full e-tutoring programs for individual students and for companies.

He also said that some 50 Korean students are already enrolled at general English programs which offer unlimited, 24-hour-open tutoring at only $100 per month, and about 200 more are in more expensive SAT, TOEFL, GMAT and GRE examination preparation courses taught by Indian teachers in real time.

"We spent six months of research in the Korean and Chinese markets,'' he said in a telephone interview with The Korea Times this week. "There is a small market on the top of the pyramid for native English-speaking teachers. That comes at $30 or $40 per hour and that is affordable only by the rich.

Hat Day!

This past week we celebrated Hat Day. After walking around complimenting random passers-by on their fine choice of head-wear in honor of this holiday, we drank in our hats. Simple. Fun. Ridiculous. The problem, unfortunately, is that I don't have a single picture from hat day. I hope that this picture will be a consolation prize for those who were not lucky enough to see me wearing my hat.

This is a hat of the Korean people who lived on Russian lands for so long. I think it is quite stylish, though not as functional as I like my hats to be.

Hat via English Russia

The Crane Game

They're everywhere. Really, they're on almost every street corner, usually outside of convenient stores, which really are on every street corner. Koreans love them. Why do they love them? Because the prizes are great, it's cheap to play, and it's easy to win. You get six tries for the equivalent of $1, and if you're not entirely blind, you get something almost every time.

So what can you get, you might ask? Everything from butane lighters to radio-controlled cars, video games, and mp3 players. What did I win tonight in front of my local Family Mart? I'm glad you asked. Something useful, something wonderful, something absolutely charming. Below you can view the box it came in. Or maybe I should say "they".


Inside the box of SexyLine "for glamorous girl" was my prize: a pair of pretty gray and pink panties. HOT! If only I had a girlfriend to give them too. Check 'em out in greater detail below.

"Supergirls" indeed. Only a super girl would wear these. I guess I'll just have to go find one. Time to find some coins so I can go play again. I'll try to post some pics of the machines and more prizes soon.

Seoul Arts Center

So sue me, I've been lazy about posting. Here's a gratuitous number of photos to make up for it. About a week ago, a friend and I went to the Seoul Arts Center, conveniently located on the orange line at Nambu Bus Terminal Station.

The Seoul Arts Center is an imposing complex of arts-related buildings. It includes a design museum, a calligraphy museum, an opera house, and I don't know what else. We originally went to see a free exhibit of Eames furniture, but it was disappointing. So, after seeing one room of furniture that I've seen before, off we went to look around the complex.

This is the first building as viewed from the very busy street. There are posters for upcoming exhibits and other events taking place somewhere in the complex. Notice the mountains in the background; the complex is basically built into the side of a mountain.

This is the main museum building. I don't know what the chimney thing is, but if my TV watching hasn't lead me astray (which it never has before), the design is based on a traditional Korean hat. See below:

Is that uncanny or what?



I really enjoy this sculpture of people impaled on pointy sticks. I would guess it's about war or suffering, but the title was in Korean so I'm not entirely sure.

Before I conclude this post, here is a picture (a very, very bad picture) of me with Captain Snake Neck Facet Face. Notice my excellent posture and wearing of jeans with complete disregard for the fact that it was about 90 degrees and 100% humidity (not an exaggeration; I was completely soaked). I'll work on posting more often.

"Hello, Cleveland!"

Original, American Style Taste!

Happy American Independence Day! In honor of telling those Brits to bugger off, I did American things today. And yes, that does mean I ate at McDonalds. I had the Big Mac set, pictured below. In Korea, McDonalds does lunch specials! A Big Mac meal is only $2.95. Getting fat is cheap! Notice the Shrek the Third advertising on the cup. The people behind the counter were wearing Shrek ears, but unfortunately, would not let me take a picture.


All this being American was making me very tired, so I decided to do something else American: I went to Starbucks. For only $3.55, I got a grande coffee in this charming cup. The Hangul on the cup informs those using the cup that it is for store use only. I have one in my cupboard, so apparently they were wrong.


The worst thing about the 4th was that I had to go to work. I was very tired and so needed one more treat and, since I was going with the American theme, decided that I needed something with original, American style taste. And I got it, and you can see it below. Check out that marketing slogan on the top! Genius!

I finished off my day with a few too many Budweisers and some tequila. We had our own little fireworks show in the park and nobody lost any critical body parts. No BBQ, but close enough. Now I don't have to be American again for several months.

Phallic Symbols for the 21st Century

The 63 Building in Seoul is a monstrosity. A gold monstrosity. Fortunately, though, you can't see that it's gold after the sun goes down. There's are two elevators that run on the outside of the building from the first to the 6oth floor, though unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of those. However, here are some pictures of the building itself and from the Skydeck at the top.


In this one, you can see another well-known phallic symbol, Namsan Tower. Very much like a Korean Space Needle, I plan to mount it in a week or two and take some pictures from its probably-overpriced observation platform. Hopefully I'll have better weather.




The residents of Seoul have a very large, very pretty river. It's a good thing they decided to put a highway on either side.

When the Boat's a Rockin...

On Saturday evening, we went to Yeoido and went on a leisure cruise. What, you don't cruise for business? Anyway, despite the unpleasantness that is the monsoon season and the less than perfect weather that comes with it, the cruise was a great time. Ideally, as we took the 7:30 ride, we would have seen the sun setting over the metropolitan skyline and the Han River, but it was was overcast at first and dark toward the end, so we'll have to take it again in better conditions.

After making our way to the financial district (name?) which is on an island in the Han, we found the docks and bought our tickets. Looming behind us was the 63 Building, which is the tallest building in Seoul with, you guessed it, 63 floors, 3 of which are underground, which also means that the elevator only goes to 60. What a ripoff.


The water was calm, but the light was not right for taking pictures with a little point-and-shoot camera, so the pictures are few. Before you leave the dock, you have to write your name and phone number on your ticket stub. You then give the ticket stub to the cruise attendant. You must do this in case the boat sinks and they have to call your relatives to come identify your putrid corpse.

"Hello mistal. Corey is palent. You son on Han boat sinked. Come see Korea: Spaakling. You like kimchi?"



The following is a picture of the boat I plan to ride next time, I don't care how much it costs. I'm going to get drunk like a pirate and pillage until the Koreans run in fear, but that shouldn't take much. (Click on it for more detail)


Koreans are suckers for photo ops and backgrounds. Everywhere you go, even if you go to see a beautiful sight, there are pictures of that sight for you to pose in front of. Apparently, the cruise we went on was a couples cruise (or just a cruise that couples enjoy), and of course there was something to pose in front of. It was a giant heart made from rope lights. We took the obligatory pictures.


So, after volunteering to take pictures of a bunch of drunk Korean couples, a man approached us and gave us a brief history lesson of the bridge we were traveling under at that moment. It was dark, so I don't have a picture of it, but during the Korean war, the Americans bombed the hell out of the bridge so that people couldn't cross from southern Seoul into northern Seoul. By the way, the city is divided right through the middle, so this could be a problem. The bombing also killed a bunch of people. Way to make me feel bad about being American AGAIN. Thanks Korea.

After the boat ride, we went to the 63 Building, and paid $7.00 each to take the elevator to the Skydeck (floor 60). There's a cute little bar and lots of funny Korea-couples sitting in front of the windows with their arms around each other. Pictures and video (!) to come in the next post.